Updated: May 9, 2020
You literally can look at others and say quickly how their shit (trauma indicators) are worst than your shit (trauma indicators) You’ll create in your mind that because yours “isn’t that bad”, you’re fine.
Some people have been taught to think that by believing their problems aren’t “big of deal” is healing?
It’s a form of gaslighting yourself!
In this writhing I want to focus on the type of dismissiveness that’s trying to be a hero, but ends up being its own self sabotaging villain.
“My painful experiences aren’t big enough mention.”
“It’s not as bad as hers, I shouldn’t complain”
Is it that your experience doesn’t have enough “Trauma Cred”?
You minimize your own trauma out of guilt. or comparison. Like, “how can I complain when I look at others who are worse?“. You don’t feel like your wounds are WORTH unpacking and addressing.
Healing, me acknowledging, talking things through, is not complaining...
Ps: Ignoring has NEVER been successful either! Seeds planted under the dirt grow into full blown “plant-uations”! With lots of roots!!
Ps: They may seem worst to you... but you both ended up in the same boat... so now, who’s was worse again?
I’ve been guilty of looking at my own Cosby show, upbringing and thinking (pre awareness) how “perfect” my upbringing was!
But once my level of consciousness increased, I began to see that there were some messages (taught out of their own trauma and level of understanding as “safety”) that directly went against my nature. Messages that cause resistance and effected my life’s movements up to that point.
Trauma is trauma. Even “well meaning” trauma, “sweet granny” trauma or “trauma with a smile”.... it all boils down to a message that gets embedded and that doesn’t serve you!
Funny enough, a LOT of trauma came from a place of “meaning well”... well for WHO is always now the question.
Don’t let others minimize your experiences as well. That’s a good old red flag if I’ve ever seen one.
We’ve got to stop sizing up our own and others traumas. It’s not a game of comparison. “I’m more fucked up than you.” Be mindful of language that would suggest one is being dismissive to anyone feelings. My lessons will NOT be dismissed or deemed invalid.
The problem arises when you minimize your own hurts & experiences, OTHERS will minimize your experiences. When do you have time to acknowledge and make connections.
-You think busy is a sign of “moving past”
-You think material success is an indicator of victory
-You never fully sit to unpack your own behaviors!
-It wasn’t THAT BAD, I turned out alright! It got me “here”. (BUT YOU SUPPOSED TO BE “THERE” BOO! )
-Feeling guilty working through yours because it’s not “big enough”😏
-What if things could be BETTER! So many are satisfied with “good”. Afraid to rock the boat and just settle for good and calm. Sometimes holding the thoughts that “If I go for more, I may not get better, may make it bad, I’ll stay here at calm and decent.”
What if you step down your lily white path and start to see thorns, rocks and generational trauma? More complexed than you thought. So we still minimizing?